However, here's the truth: everyone wants to be in control. I'm not sure I would title every person as a "control freak," but everyone wants to think they have control of situations that they really don't. So, we apply rules to everything. Every type of relationships is riddled with titles, rules and boundaries. And if you're one of those people that is "so laid back" and "doesn't care for titles," you're putting your own boundaries on it to try to keep control and I don't even want to hear it.
Why can't people just... connect?! However they want to, on their own terms. Who cares?
The best part is, the people in the relationship are not the only people laying down the rules. There are these unwritten rules that everyone seems to know that they push onto other peoples' relationships all the time. Let's take a look at a few of the famous ones:
"Don't sleep with your ex."
Why it's a rule:
Because it keeps you connected. Sleeping with your ex is not how you let go, per se.
Why it's a stupid rule:
Because it's none of your business. If your friend's wants to continue to drag out his/her relationship with an ex, you can try to counsel all you want, but it's not your call. I slept with an ex for years and plenty of people tried to tell me it was a terrible idea. You know what? It really didn't ruin my life. We were great friends and we had fun together and I was pretty tired of other people thinking that they had a say in what I did with my time. Did it take me longer to get over him? Sure. But that was my choice and I came out just fine, thank you. On the other hand, if your friend's ex is a giant d-bag... well, it's still really not your place to say.
"You can't move in together yet, it hasn't even been [insert your personal time table] yet."
Why it's a rule:
Because we either want to protect our friends from an impending break-up caused by finding out their significant other actually doesn't do the dishes every night, or we're jealous.
Why it's a stupid rule:
Because it's none of your business. (Noticing a pattern yet?) ALSO, allow me to share with you a story: once upon a time, back in 1980, my parents met at a party of a mutual friend. My dad had just come out of a one-year engagement a few months prior and my mom had just moved back from CA where she thought she'd spend the rest of her life. 2 weeks later, my dad proposed. They've been married 30 years. Moral of the story: if people think they're ready, then they're ready. Everyone's timetables are different.
Oh, and if moving in together is going to end the relationship, it really doesn't matter at which point in the relationship that happens. Might as well find out early.
[Any rule you have regarding relationships.]
Why it's a rule:
Why it's a rule:
Because you want to control everything.
Why it's a dumb rule:
(Say it with me now...) Because it's none of your business. Very good.
We're all people. We're here on this Earth for ideally between 80 and 120 year (depending on how ambitious you are and if you call it quits when someone has to help you pee). We're going to fuck up a million times over. It's part of being alive. We're going to hurt ourselves, hurt others, and learn from all of it. Everyone tries so hard to save themselves and anyone they can from making mistakes, but sometimes, the things that we think might be a mistake could lead to the best thing that ever happened to us. Other times, that thing we thought might be a mistake (because all our friends told us it would be) turns out to be something awesome instead. And something that didn't work for one person might work for someone else.
So fuck the "rules." Do what makes you happy as long as you're not intentionally hurting another human being. Because, seriously, that's not cool.
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